Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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