Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
