So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
In other news, I just burned my penis
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
