Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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