I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
