My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
