dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
i need some magic done to my vagina
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
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