so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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