I love black thongs
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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