I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Im part way to drunk.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
