Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
