if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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