In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Cover your peen. We're going out.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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