Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
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