I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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