My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
