I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
