I wannas sexs uuuuu
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize