Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
