the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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