he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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