So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
