Kareoke will never be a sober sport
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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