She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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