when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
