I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Tell her she can't have a vagina
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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