if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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