my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
