I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize