Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Dignity is for republicans.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
