You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
