One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
