What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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