I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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