My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
