You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
He kissed a someone with a penis
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
