Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
So squirting runs in the family.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Randomize
