why didn't you poke me back
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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