I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I just googled if crying burns calories
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
