A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Randomize
