Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
You left your phone here
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