he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
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