Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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