just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Don't tell me you're on acid again
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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