last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
