You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
