if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
