I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
