i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Randomize
