I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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