I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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