im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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