That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
