Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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