My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
