u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
