So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
wanna go halves on a baby?
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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