seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Randomize