How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
We need a shit load of segways right now
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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