he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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