i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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