nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
