Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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