I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
