Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
