Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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