The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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